The following was penned 3 years ago. Ironically, the sentiments seems fitting during this pandemic time. It might be a different cave to exit, a different path to navigate through, a different fog waiting to be lifted.
Coming out of the cave in thick fog, this is my turn --
You know how the first many years as a mother, or a father, one lives under a thick fog and dwells in a cave? I meant that quite literally speaking from experience. Operating as a foggy cave dweller while giving sunshine to your children's universe, not too much to ask for. The further one is away from those early years, the easier it is for one to idealize and tidy up those minute by minute, hour by hour existence. All of that ended up wrapped up in a memory box, with a lid and a bow on it, only to be opened every Mother's Day / Father's Day or every BD of your children. Such a paradox - the need to selectively remember and forget at the same time.
My youngest is approaching 5 and I can finally see the fog lifting, glimpses of clear sky as I venture out of the cave. Social media is a reality anchor and a fantasy feather. When I periodically visit the walls and message boards, it is how I remind myself what is outside of the cave. High fives to all the mommy blogs, knuckle bumps to moms retreat. I get to read about them once in a while. I can cheer for others as ground support. I am doing great, still in the floppy disc era, still have not download the 5000 pictures from my phone of my children since birth, still blinking my eyes every now and then watching life go by as a third person, while in motion experiencing fully all that life has to offer. Still keeping my eyes on those balls in the air. That's how it works for the moment, live in the moment, be in the moment. No, I have not had time between all this and shut-eye to write another installment of hit children's series, or get 1 million hits on WeTube, or take off with the blog /vlog/podcast that every parent aspires to achieve. I am trying to be all there with my family, making order out of chaos, making to all of life's appointments on time, making lemonade except I am out of lemons at the moment. This is not a movie. The clock melts quickly.
Baby cries, that's the alarm. After nursing / feeding, changing, soothing all night, dawn has cracked and so has sanity. Unloading the dish washer and complete a partial grocery run with efforts worthy of an Olympian, in what seems like a never ending iron woman/iron man trials. Sleep is always disturbed, skipping shower is a continuum. Hard earned moments of sanity is tested and wrung out by the simplest of tasks, both urgent and vital. One becomes an expert in blurring the line between delirium and happiness, sowing tender love in full battle armor. And don't forget to count our blessings. Gratitude.
Morning alarm. Breakfast, pack lunches, wake the children, off to school, chores, more chores, errands, more errands, pause for lunch. School needs help, neighbor needs help, family needs help, go put out some fire. It's pick-up time. Homework, after school activities/sports practice, dinner prep, bath/shower (optional), bed time (mandatory). Conquer dishes for 24 hours. Practice being mindful and meditate for half a minute before slipping into dreamland. Skip the sheep.
Morning alarm. Breakfast, pack lunches, wake children, off to school. Off to work. Work work work work work. Go put out some fire. Pick-up time. Homework, sports practice, dinner prep, bath/shower (optional), bed time (mandatory). Conquer laundry for 24 hours. Practice being mindful and give thanks in prayers before floating to cloud 10. Amen.
Celebrate others, celebrate yourself. Luxury is extra sleep and undisturbed reading time. Chocolates welcome. Take fractions of baby steps towards your #goals. Take inspiration, less literal timeline from dripping water and rocks. Microcosmos.
And that’s just some of the layers of this cake of life. At times we feel pinched and squished from all directions, like a proper sandwich. Have your sandwich / cake and eat it too? One bite at a time.
In cooking, It takes a few cups of good wine plus time to make a few table spoons of good reduction. What was potent evaporated, left behind the essence. In life, it takes a ton of effort plus a lot of time to raise a few good kids - family - community- society. With that proportion in mind, manage our own expectations while staying the course. True North.
The fog has lifted. I am coming out of the cave. Watch out world. My timing might be a decade + off, but My Turn is Here.
Happy Mother’s Day, everyday!
